Beware Machroe!

Construction paper? They should call it "What is in my child's mind and How did it get there paper." Here are some of Jack's recent drawings/stories for your viewing pleasure.

Jack and Daddy, in our spider dresses of course (very popular right now).

This is the story of Goldie Anna and the 3 Bears presented with some food stains (to keep it real yo!)

Croob the frog (Jack informed us that this is indeed the name that froggie, oh I'm sorry, Croob has and always will have, this is the same froggie from the plague of frogs story)

This is Machroe (pronounced Mac Row). I'm told he's a monster that will eat you all, but not my family, we're safe. Sucks to be you.

How to clearly identify Indian burial grounds

Have you ever watched The Shining? If you haven't you've undoubtedly heard stories of it, or at least know "Here's Johnny!!" Well, if you've seen it the creepiest scene ever (I'm talking creepy now, not shock or scare factor) is the twin girls in the hallway. There's just something about children in creepy scenes isn't there? I cant be the only one. Pet Semetary is equally as creepy with the "Come and play with me daddy."

With that said my girls can be pretty creepy sometimes. Now before you get all "Oh Erik how could you say that!" hear me out.

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually it wasn't at all, it was around 10:30 pm and the weather was okay, but if it had been dark and stormy this story would have been so much better!

I was sitting on the couch watching some television when I heard the ominous scurry of some creature (or another way of saying it would be: "Hey Lily's running!"). I turn around and see Lily flashing like a lightning bolt to the kitchen. She then turns around and says as fast as she can "DaddyIneedtogopotty!"

Bewildered I mumble "Uh, go potty?"

Lily heads off to the bathroom and I walk back to my spot on the couch and try and decide if I should even attempt to figure out what just happened. A couple of minutes later I feel the icy stare of death at my back. I turn around and find my oldest daughter Anna staring at me... WITH HER EYES CLOSED!!

In one fel swoop Lily's odd race to the bathroom (I forgot to mention that the bathroom is the opposite way from our kitchen) and Anna's eyeless stare compounded to become ultra creepy. 

Before I had a chance to think about it I ask Anna what she's doing. Anna was sleepwalking and she wakes up and wearily explains something about unicorns and a worm and then goes to bed. I decide it's time to check on Lily who is still on the toilet and as I ask her how she's doing I realize she's sleepwalking too!

Simultaneous sleepwalking is crazy creepy. 

I am now terrified to be alone in our living room after the girls go to sleep.

I am paranoid for the day when I look down the hall and hear my girls say in unison "Come and play with us Daddy." Which any other time that would be great, I love playing with my kids. Just not creepy kids. Don't be creepy girls!

                  

 

How Daddies are Made

So if you're a parent and your child has lost his/her first tooth then I pray your experience went well, for ours did not...
About a month ago Jack had been playing in his room for a little bit when we heard his patented "MMMWHAAAAAHHH!!!" (interpreted as: I'm the oldest of five, but I'm going to do my darnedest to sound like the youngest. Also, I'm going to run from my room so fast it will take me about two minutes and ten "Umm's" before I remember what was bothering me. Also, I'm going to need to go potty.)
"What's the matter buddy?"
"MY TOOTH IS BROKE!"
"Let's see." This is when I see his tooth moving back and forth slightly and in it's first stages of falling out.
This is when you have a choice as a parent and it seems like I have two options here. First, which is in fact a non-realistic option, but the easiest would be for me to say:
"Huh, how about that. I've got no clue buddy. Maybe it'll go back to normal if you leave it alone."
The second option is for me to step up as his dad and actually explain to him what's going on (which for me is like 90% of the time the absolute wrong thing to say).
So I sit him down (that works all the time for TV dads!) and tell him this is part of growing up. He'll lose his baby teeth and get his very own adult teeth like mommy and daddy have. When his tooth does fall out he can put it under his pillow and he'll get money for it that he can spend on something he wants.
Man, I was on it! Stephen Douglas and Heathcliff Huxtable look out for I am about to take the lazy-boy throne of fatherhood and join you in the  life-changing father-son talk annals of history!
So a couple of weeks go by and this kid is cool as can be. He's actually excited about his tooth falling out, he talks about it all the time. (and with what little climax I've built, you can insert a "or so I thought" right about here: ________________ ).
As luck would have it I was not there that fateful night. I have an accountability group from my church that meets once a week and as I was meeting with the group when I got the first text. It read:
 "Jack's tooth just fell out".
My reaction was "Ah, that sucks, I wish I could have been there". But then the next text came...
"Everything you told him about his tooth backfired."
Now, I bet your saying to yourself how could that possibly backfire (then you are as hopeless as me my friend, and Dr. Huxtable is laughing at us both from TV Land...)
Jack's interpretation of his tooth falling out went something like this:
"Does this mean all my teeth are going to fall out tonight? And if that happens will all my adult teeth grow in!? My mouth is too small how will I ever eat again!!?? I don't want to grow-up tonight!!! I DON'T WANT MY HAIR TO TURN BROWN!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE A DADDY YET I'M TOO YOUNG!!!!
...
Now to explain the brown hair bit, my hair is brown, so naturally when you lose your teeth and become an adult your hair changes color to your father's hair color and you instantly become a daddy. I don't know how this happens in Jack's mind I just know it was VERY real to him and so VERY real to us.
The look I received from my wife when I got home that night instantly vaporized me. However, as it turns out when you're vaporized it's easy to play the role of the tooth fairy and leave money under a child's pillow, who will apparently need all the cash he can get as he will be a daddy without a job in the morning.
Jack was ecstatic the next morning to find his money for his tooth, and in another twist, he keeps finding money under his pillow... Ever since he received his payment for this fallen enamel there has been loose change consistently showing up under his pillow. Now, either my son is finding change left around the house and adding to his collection of coin, or the tooth fairy has taken pity on him and has been trying to lift his spirits monetarily. I'm cutting my losses and going with the tooth fairy.