Today I'm going to be bringing you some of the more unsettling aspects of parenthood. Poo. It is a disturbing opponent and can unnerve even the most hardened veteran of younger children. A poo disaster is always on lurking around the corner, much like Mr. Murphy and his laws. These moments in time are few and far between thankfully, but when they happen they more than make up for it.
My first story comes from Anna, and is not so much a horrible disaster as a life changing moment. As a father all my children are special to me, and in different ways. Anna has always been the sweetest of the bunch, wanting to take care of her siblings and be a good helper to her parents. And so she has held a very unblemished and innocent princess picture in my mind.
It's always very funny to me how reality sticks it's head in the door and says "Hello, I've come for a stay!". Reality came that day in the potty completely filled to the brim with poo. Nothing changes your perspective more than cleaning up after that. To say I was shocked was an understatement, my princess was and is a massive pooper.
Next up is Jack. I was sitting on the couch when I heard him screaming (a very manly bellow... or just the opposite I can't really remember). I ran into the our bathroom to find my son holding his hand out like it was mutated into a disease, or more precisely like it was covered in poo, which is actually was. His pants were around his ankles and in-between his butt cheeks was the end of the toilet paper roll with random soiled spots leading back to the roll. When asked what had happened he could not remember, and honestly that's as good as an answer as I'd hoped to get.
Now for the sheer horror of it all... Lily. Lily has been a stinker from day one, albeit a stinker that is hopelessly ornery as she is cute. That day however there was no cuteness to be had. Indeed that day was far from it. When boys come to visit my daughter when she gets older I will tell them this story, likening it to the other fathers gun collections.
We were living in our old two story house and as my wife and I were relaxing downstairs in the living room during nap time in the room right above us our two little girls slept. I have luckily never been around bombs, never heard or felt their concussive blows, but that day I got a small... ugh I don't want to say taste... Anyway our quite afternoon was darkened by the screams of our then youngest child Lily. My wife went upstairs first and then she also proceeded to scream. As I approached the room the smell became awful. It was a scene awash in brown. Lily's entire crib was covered in poo. Lily was covered in poo. To complete the real horror of it she had even tried to eat some of it. I have dubbed that day the brown nightmare. Every time our children wake with a cry from nap I still fear a repeat of that day.
Everyone poops, it's true. There are even children s books about that topic. So yes, indeed everyone does poop, it's the details of the matter that makes me wish that everyone didn't.