Occasionally I'll work some stories about myself and my wife in here. After all, where would the 4 mini-horsemen get their quarks if not from us. So, as per request of my father-in-law, here is the tea story.
About a week before this past Christmas my wife and I had an all too rare date night. We ate out and then to my wife's delight went to the mall. She has her path cut out in the mall. Husbands might recognize these paths as what I like to call "The Leashed Walk." Don't deny it, almost all husbands have been there. "The Leashed Walk" consists of the man following his wife a measured distance carrying her purchased bags. If you're really unlucky you are required to hold her purse as well. On a side note, I saw the saddest pair enter the store as described before, the woman walked all the way to the back and then all the way to the front and back out with the man six feet behind her and she didn't even acknowledge him the whole time. Anyway... As I was preforming a thankfully lesser version of this "leashed walk" we passed a tea store. My wife, a crazed coffee drinker, decided to stop and try something new and had a free sample of the tea. She let me know she liked it very much.
Now I'll give you the real reason for this story. I am an idiot. It's just that plain and simple. When my wife says things like "I like that" or "I'd like to try that" or "That sounds fun!" I immediately file it in my stupid husband tricks file to surprise her with it in the future.
It had been about three weeks later when we decided we need some new calenders. We always wait till after New Years so we can get them on sale. Off I went to the mall with a secret plan to not only get the calenders but also get the tea! I purchased the calenders (dog doing yoga, and nuns having fun as per my wife's request) and headed to the tea shop. I have absolutely no knowledge about tea whatsoever, other than it is a drink, it has something to do with leaves, and without a ton of sugar it's not something I'll be having. I ask the clerk if she knew any teas they'd had as samples with a cinnamon flavor and she found it for me (check!). She asked if I had anything to keep the tea in to keep it fresh and when I said no, she directed me to a tin (check!). Then I realized my wife and I had no way to make this stuff so the clerk showed me a nifty little strainer (check!). I was ready to go. The clerk asked how much I wanted and I said fill the tin up and a full tin later I was checking out. Now, I'm from a small town. We've learned a lot of lessons since we've moved to the St. Louis area about what living in a metropolitan area means. This is one of those lessons. As the clerk scanned the items I saw prices flash across the register: Tin = $7.00, Strainer = $20.00, and Tea = BLACK OUT. I heard a loud CRACK! as my brain broke. The next few moments are not at all clear, but I do remember time slowing down which is odd because no one else did. As the clerk opened her mouth the numbers 2 and 9 fell out. For some weird reason though, my brain (that had just broken) kept putting the numbers together as $92. What's even stranger is that's how the clerks brain put it together too. I believe I said something like "are you serious!? are you people out of your tea drinking mind!" but for some reason I heard myself say "Blahdy blu bloopy blah blay." Then my right hand pulled out my wallet and handed the clerk something. I guess it was money because she handed me a receipt then her associates wheeled me out on a two wheeler dolly.
When I got home I explained to my wife what happened. I was then grounded and had my allowance taken away. She doesn't like the tea by the way, and the icing on the cake: I found the tea kettle broken the other day. Our $65 tea now sits in it's tin atop our refrigerator. No one who visits wants to try it either. Moral of the story: There is no moral, my brain is still broken...